I don’t know anything about business, but I have some undeniably good ideas, and I suspect the way the business world works is that if you write about them on a lightly viewed and poorly edited blog, that’s like calling dibs on them, and then they’re yours and no one can take them, and then I’ll be honest it get’s kind of fuzzy, but that somehow will lead to money.
So here’s business idea number one (but remember, dibs!): It’s a restaurant and it serves school lunches from around the world. The menu is based on actual menus from real schools. Menus that use clip art and are printed on a calendar. The servers will wear the actual uniforms from cafeterias around the world.
Japanese school lunch is kick-ass, they peal your apple for you, and I’ve had Thai, and Malaysian recently, and that’s where the idea originated from. Asia knows its way around a school lunch. And the good thing about school lunch is that they’re all fast, and outside of the American school lunch, they should involve some fruit and vegetables.
But it’s not just the food customers will come for, people will also come for some ambiance. If you order the French school lunch or the Vietnamese school lunch there will be a French or Vietnamese person at your table who will try to have staring contests with you or trade you food from your tray or sit on your lap while you’re still eating and comb your bangs for you. “Do you like see food?” “What’s that on your shirt?” “Thumb war anyone?” You don’t even have to speak the same language to understand most of these games. And when you don’t understand the games, they’re even better. “Put your palms like this.” “Why?” “Just do it.”
The reaction will be like:
Order the Japanese. Last time I was here I did, and it came with a girl in a sailor suit who made me a paper crane out of my milk straw wrapper so small she had to use toothpicks to fold it.
Really? Last time I ordered the Japanese it came with a boy who sat across the table with an orange wedge in his mouth who threw soy beans at my face and laughed.
Oh, yeah, I don’t know why but sometimes it comes with the bully. Did you loose any games to him? If you do, he makes you put your forearm out and he smacks it with two fingers. Still, the Japanese always comes with a miso soup.
Then next to the restaurant will be recess grounds where you play international recess games after your lunch. Probably I’ll have to locate the complexes in financial districts in capitol cities where urban professionals need to eat quickly and get in a little workout before getting back to the office. But they will get a work out in. There’s this one version of tag at the school I work at where you get hit in the head with a basketball. It’s a really invigorating game. I think it could be a new workout craze. Also, there’s this game where you try to stand still and push each other with your hands and the first person to step forward or back looses. That’s great for balance. But of course the Americans will bring wall-ball, dodge-ball, and tether-ball to the scene, all crowd favorites.
Investors will be interested to hear that the decor and lighting are cheap. And I pass a school on my way to work where I think boys who mess up while playing baseball during early morning practice have to weed, which is a genius way to cut down on grounds maintenance.