My Dentist is drawing out some dental work like it’s fine dining and he wants to savor our time together. He speaks a little English, and by a little I mean the word “amalgam.” I’m not really sure what the word means, but he took out my childhood cavities–didn’t even offer to let me keep them for the sake of nostalgia–and then he proceeded to schedule forty min. appointments once a week for six weeks in order to replace them. I guess the word amalgam has something to do with silver, silver not being good? But at this point I figure they do dental work on horses and cats and those animals never have to know what’s going on, so why should I worry my pretty little head about it. Dang you, amalgam?
But two things have caught my attention: One, once there was a C.D. on of like fifteen different versions of Amazing Grace. When they got to a boogaloo version of amazing grace, I almost cried. Two, after each appointment he was saying in English, “You should take off your tartar.” Ouch. I thought I had brushed really hard before the first appointment, and I was feeling kind of vulnerable after all that amazing grace, so I was really embarrassed when he said that all slowly and seriously. Pretty sure I blushed. So before the next appointment I brushed so damn hard. With a normal tooth brush and an electric one, and I flossed the night before and the morning of, and then at the end of the the appointment he said it again. Slow. “You… should …take ….off..your…tartar.” I was like what do you want from me man? I’m giving all I have to give. You shouldn’t talk to a lady like that. Then at the next appointment he pushed away from me in his wheely chair and asked, “When did you take off your tartar?”
I was like this morning, man!, What more can I give you? And then he explained to me that a normal person can take off their own plaque, but they must take off a person’s tartar in a dentist’s office at cleaning time. Oh. Kind of releived that he hasn’t just been worried about my breath and my brushing skills this whole time. Maybe I’m still a lady in his eyes. So he scraped my teeth for like ten minutes with some metal instruments. I don’t see why I can’t do that. I have u-tube and excessive free time.