I took a job at a junior high last week. I guess I just can’t resist the sweet cheesy clam smell of pubescent teens in the summer. Also I’m completely broke. Out of money. Damn. Why me?
It turns out it’s hard to make your first million from signing up for medical studies off of craig’s list in Tokyo. Although, Lord knows I tried.
Before I started to go legit with my employment, I applied for one study where you stayed in a room for a month while you took adhd medication and were monitored, and I made it to one informational session about a study where you were flown down to Kagoshima and made 40,00 yen or about $400 dollars a day to take a mystery medication. The catch was that you had to stay in a hospital for 5-30 days. They were studying the half life of drugs in foreigners, white foreigners, and I had a lot of questions. First I asked the guy who was running the study if Latinos where white people because I had gone through my Facebook friend list the day before in a racial way, because I was wondering who I knew in Tokyo who was eligible to sell their body in a way that might not completely embarrass their mom, so I could group e-mail them about it.
The guy running the company was Scottish and he made everything sound so nice. So I asked what is a white person and he told me it was a good question and that there are actually more genetic differences between different South American Latinos than between Caucasians and Asians. Or something like that. I can’t remember exactly what he said, I’ll let people who know about science blog about science, but I just liked his delivery, he seemed kind of excited about genetic variations.
He said you couldn’t smoke at the hospital, and one of the guys in the group, I think he was writing his dissertation in Japan, just checked out of the conversation after that. The Scottish guy said they weren’t looking for women right now, but I was still interested in this whole proposition. I liked how he was so positive about essentially was a kind of human subject captivity in a hospital. He said actually it wasn’t really a hospital, part of it was more like a hotel spa and there were great baths there. He kept describing it and it became clear after a while he was talking about a hospice where the normal patients were dying from cancer.
So like all the friends you would invariably make there would be dying. No wonder they pay you so much money. That’s like the saddest month long camp on Earth. But they’re not even offering to let me be a medicated camper there, so I had to take a job in a junior high.
There are problems with this new job, too.