I went to the festival of the steel phallus (Kanamara Matsuri) near Kawasaki on Sunday. There were a lot of boiled sugar phallus candy suckers there. One of them was neon green, how fitting for Japan in 2012, but most of the suckers were white with pink heads, I guess more tasteful? But all […]
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I had to sign that yesterday when I was taken to the police station for theft of a pygmy bike. And I do now know I was wrong, I am sorry, and I will never do it again. The fuzz picked me up at 9:10 and we finished at 1:10 a.m. the next day. They […]
The police stopped me for not having a light on the pygmy bike last night, but I couldn’t fake not understanding them. It ended up looking like I was faking being mute, I just shook my head to all their questions, rather than replying out loud. I guess they had sympathy for the mute girl […]
Tonight is Roppongi Art Night. There is defiantly going to be a character there called “Jappy.” I guess Japan + Happy = Jappy (in some circles). I’m not sure that’s what “Jappy” means in some other circles, though. He’s yellow and has big feet. He looks kind of vacant, but yes big-eyed and happy. Okay, […]
My Dentist is drawing out some dental work like it’s fine dining and he wants to savor our time together. He speaks a little English, and by a little I mean the word “amalgam.” I’m not really sure what the word means, but he took out my childhood cavities–didn’t even offer to let me keep […]
In time for Valentine’s day I have a story about my heart, specifically the sac around it. A couple of weeks ago my heart was hurting. It felt bloated and saggy and whenever I laughed there was a sharp, shooting pain in it. The problem was that I was mostly laughing at the inane and […]
I was just at a coffee shop across from the coin laundry place. A guy came in and sat next to me and ordered, and the waiter didn’t recognize him. The guy told the waiter he knew him and the waiter asked how, and the guy said (I think) from all over, they have friends […]
I moved to a little apartment in Ebisu at the beginning of January. It’s small. Small like a boat. If I ever have anyone over, I’m going to make them call me Captain. This friend who has some how ended up in this boat sized apartment will be all, “This is cool, Captain, I can […]
emily maloney 